Stimulate This


Okay,  Obama has been channeling the city he started his presidential choo-choo ride in: Philadelphia, brotherly love and all that.  He’s bent over backwards to play nice-nice with his GOP playmates in the congressional sandbox with playmates who have taken the opportunity to (besides making no end of inane comparisons to the size of the President’s stimulus package measuring how high it would tower if it consisted of stacked $100 bills. Really, GOP Senators?  You want to point ‘em to the sky and measure.  So tell me just how high a stack would that make Bud Bush’s Ten Trillion dollar debt?  How many times would the pallets of C-notes that disappeared into the maw of Iraq stretch around the world?  Why don’t  the GOP “size-matters” brethren just get prescription to one of the Viagara products that keep their real Bud Rush Limbaugh afloat in ad revenues and let the rest of us get back to discussing how to keep our national economy from sinking into the worst aspects of the 8th century? But I digress.) kick as much political sand back into his newly minted presidential visage as possible. (Count the words in that  sentence.  Go ahead, count ‘em.  169, baby.   Take that MS Word Grammar checker.  Try and tell me my sentences are too long…)

So last night the Hope in Chief continues his attempts at parting the partisan waters, refusing to use his national bully pulpit to remind Republicans that, while he might be too nice to turn the economic realities of the moment into a political big stick to beat some fiscal sense into those who would consign America of 2009 to the economic conditions of 1929 (and 1930, 1931, 1932…) the American people won’t be.  And that, come 2010 (or, more importantly, 2012 and the first Congressional elections post-census and redistricting) GOP congressmen who want to act like political dinosaurs will find themselves likewise politically extinct.

No, Barack “Kumbaya” Obama remains above the partisan fray, more power to him. At some point either the “culture of Washington” has got to change or he will, coming down off his President-of-all-the-people cloud to administer a good ‘ol fashion woopin to the legions of the lackadaisical who constitute the Grand Obstructionist Party of today.  And man, when he does – can you imagine a tongue lashing administered by Obama would be like?  Coming from a  President’s who tongue is not actually his foot, as with the previous denizen of the Oval Office but is, rather, the Nadia Comaneci of Presidential linguistics?  That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!

Then today new Secretary of Forgot-to-pay-my-taxes-to-the-Treasury Timothy Geithner unveils his “All Is Forgiven, No-One Is Grounded and Everyone Gets Parfait” Banking Bailout Bill (known  officially within the Beltway by the acronym W.E.A.R.E.S.O.S.C.R.E.W.E.D) .  The plan promises to take banks who have sat on the last billions pushed to them by the government rather than loaning the money to lowlifes like you, me and General Motors and push billions more to them to sit on.  My favorite part of the plan is where the government will guarantee the purchase of “toxic” debt from distressed banks by private investors (presumably investing with whatever money they have left over after putting money into building a new housing development on the Love Canal).  Can’t we just cut out the middleman and have the government simply buy those toxic assets directly (as that’s what’s ultimately going to happen until and unless real steps are taken to shore up the underlying securities’ assets, namely, home mortgages in America)?  Then we could take these toxic assets and drop them on Iran, North Korea and Pakistan, saving the banks and poisoning the axis of dweebles at the same time.  Meanwhile no sticks will be used to beat any sense—or even propriety—into the heads of the best and the brightest of the banking world.

So here’s my little suggested addenda to the Geithner Gala banking plan:

  1. All Americans losing their homes to foreclosure due to the predatory lending practices the big banks benefited from will be housed, henceforth, in the guest houses and guest wings of the bankers’ Hampton’s summer places.  (And NO, bankers, you will not be allowed to ask the recently made members of mendicantness to do light housekeeping and/or gardening for their board.)
  2.  The menus at 540 Park,  The Four Seasons, Pastis and Jean Georges will, until further notice, only be allowed to consist of whatever is on the hot lunch menu at NYC PS154.  (The meatloaf will be to die for.  Literally.)
  3. All senior executives at all Wall Street banks participating in the bailout will, in perpetuity, wear a “kick me” sign on their Brooks Brother’s clad posteriors. And, periodically, they will be required to run around the Merrill-Lynch Bull singing the Monty Python “I am a Lumberjack” song while groups of young school children laugh and throw things at them.
  4. If the Bankers refuse to start lending again, even with the new monies being squeezed into them by treasury,  one banker every other hour will be taken and flogged in the middle of Central Park.
  5. One banker every other hour will be taken and flogged in the middle of Central Park.
  6. And, finally, by random lottery four senior Bank executives will be selected and hung from lamp posts at the corner of Wall Street and Broad, their corpses left to be fed upon by the pigeons and crows as a warning to their brethren about the consequences of screwing with the American peoples’ money.  There’s nothing like the threat of hanging to focus the mind, after all….

Stimulate that.


4 Responses to “Stimulate This”

  1. mlaiuppa Says:


    I won’t bother with my entire list.

    A pillory with noon floggings on Fridays (for the lunch crowd) figures prominently. A little bell to be rung while strolling, accompanied by something like “unclean, unclean” or “blithering fiscal idiot” is a nice touch too.

    But mostly, I want to see some a$$ kicked.

    I want Franken seated immediately. Even if it’s only until the dog and pony show in MN ends. (Which could be never.) I also want the Governor of NJ to say “Oops, sorry, changed my mind” after Gregg is sworn in and appoint a DEM to replace him. There’s your 60. Now anyone that doesn’t want to work and play well with others can eat excrement and expire. And anyone that dares attack anything with phrases like “fiscal responsibility” must follow the phrase with “unlike when the Republicans were in charge.” Repeating “and we’re really sorry for being so stupid” wouldn’t be amiss either. Then they can STFU.

    Mostly I’d like to see our Hope in Chief start to exercise the discipline I know he is capable of. Anyone that has raised a child or trained a dog knows the principles of discipline. (Geithner obviously does NOT.) Senators and Congress must be trained. Clear message. Consequences. Follow through. Praise where earned. Punishment where warranted.

    This works with Bank officials and major CEOs too.

    A few may need a smack upside the head to get their attention first. Repeat as necessary.

  2. Blue22d Says:

    I think we need to use the same stimulus probe they use to use to get the cows moving into the slaughter houses. Congress had been sitting on their fannies most of 2008; now all of a sudden their is a big rush to have sign a package that is so outrageousness, uncomprehensive and so porkified…makes me sick.

    My husband is an average guy and he came up with a plan, which I feel is viable. It’s as good as anything those jokers in Congress can come up with. It is called Bailout or Sellout.

    Bailout or Sellout

    Click on above and give it a go!


  3. mlaiuppa Says:

    Well, it’s done.

    They’re moving on to work on the foreclosure problem. Hope they move fast. If I can refinance at a lower rate, I’d sure like to. Especially if property values have dropped so much that I’m upside down too. Who knew they’d drop more than 30%?

    In the meantime, Awnold is working to make sure any benefits from the stimulus will be offset by taxing all those in California who can’t afford it and weren’t responsible for the current mess.

    (Did he close the luxury tax loophole he vetoed before? Did he tax the oil drilling leases he vetoed before? Nope. He’s raising the car registration that Gray Davis was recalled for. Gee, wasn’t he against that when he originally ran? Oh, and he’s raising the sales, income and gas tax on all of us. So we can subsidize the oil companies and überwealthy. Gee, thanks. Let that be a lesson. Never, ever vote for an actor ever again. Ever.)

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