I’ve been watching the final season of the Sci Fi channel’s resurrected 1970s Sci Fic hoke-classic, Battlestar Galactica. The current incarnation of this human-made-machines-out-to-destroy-humankind saga is far better acted, has far better effects and a much more commanding dramtic plotline than did the original. (In which Loren Greene, fresh from 200 years on Bonanza, played essentially Ben Cartwright in command of a Battlestar rather than the Ponderosa. But we sci fi buffs found it cool because a) it was the only real sci fi on TV; b) it’s pre Star Wars effects were awesome for their time; and c) we were twelve years old.) And, being on cable, the show’s writers can take certain liberties with plot and language which a network couldn’t back in the 1970s. A result of which is that, in watching the show these past weeks, I’ve finally decoded the ultimate message of the Republican party.
And, no, it’s not that Republicans remind me of Cylons, the race of evil human-looking machines that never eat or sleep, like to nuke puppies and toddlers and wreak havoc across the galaxy in their quest to pursue their Cylon-god driven destiny. I mean, Dick Cheney, liked to eat, after all, They have that on tape. And I think he slept (though that “man-sized safe” in the VP’s office Jon Stewart used to joke about might have actually been a coffin). But Dick Cheney did share a taste for diction with the Colonial soldiers and sailors who battled the Cylons, as does the Republican party in general. Whenever Starbuck, the sexy and brooding tomboy ace fighter pilot, or Admiral Odama (played memorably by Edward James Olmos) is angered past propriety or the Colonial President is sick of the political squabbling or any other member of the human refugee community is caught in a moment of anger, panic or surprise they all have the same thing to say:
Yes, the Sci Fi channel let the writers of Battlestar Galatica drop the “F-bomb” but, being basic access cable, it’s a watered-down, kinder, gentler “F-bomb” than the one heard on premium cable.
Which is just like the Republicans’ basic message to the American people (you remember the American people–that “bunch of whiners” as McCain economic guru and former senator “Dr. Phil” Graham labeled them) . Now Dick “F-Man” Cheney, wasn’t above dropping the ‘F-Bomb” in full mega-tonnage on the floor of the Senate itself. And Rush is just DYING to drop it. (And if he’s not careful one of these days he’s going to slip during one of his “Screw Them” rants and end up jostling for satellite bandwidth with potty-mouth Howard Stern. Oh to dream…)
Most Republicans though try to water their F-bombing down, wrapping it in clichés and pontifications just like the Battlestar writers had to replace a vowel and add a consonant. But it all comes down to the same sentiment:
Republicans to America: “Frack You.”
Detroit is burning to the financial ground last semester? Congressional Republicans to the backbone US Industry: Frack You. America’s economy is burning to the ground right now. Congressional Republicans response to the stimulus package and the American people its supposed to help: “Frack You.” And a good Frack You to you too, Mr. “Just elected by the American People by a clear popular majority as a rebuke to the last 8 years of GOP mismanagement & misjudgment and still enjoys extraordinarily-High Approval-ratings of the level that should make the outgoing GOP president weep in shame and yet still stretched out a bipartisan hand which Congressional Republican’s partisanly spit in” President.
And its not just the current Congressional Republicans who’ve embraced the Battlestar battle cry. It’s been the basic message of Reagan Republicans to Americans for the last generation. You’re a woman dumb enough to get pregnant? Frack You and your right to an abortion, prenatal care, post-natal care, paid maternity leave, child care and family health care. And Frack your right to affordable and available contraception. And Frack your kids, too. If they don’t like being born in a country with the highest infant mortality rates of any developed society, they shouldn’t have been born here. And your Asthma sufferering, peanut-allergic kids? They don’t want to breathe my second hand smoke or risk accidentally swapping sandwiches with my Peter Pan munching rug rat? Frack them.
You want me to give up my SUV to help avoid environmental meltdown? Give up my unlicensed gun, my high-powered convertible semi automatic or my thirty-eight handgun? Frack you. And frack Mother Earth and homicide victims, respectively.
Indeed, the GOP’s answer to just about any request that one modifies any personal behavior or bear any cost to in any way promote any notion or action intended to establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, or secure any blessing of liberty for anyone but themselves is simple, clear and resounding.
Frack you, America.
So, American people, get onboard with the Republican universal response mantra. November, 2010, American People’s response to Republican candidates:
Frack you, GOP.