Holes

Today’s These Days was surprisingly fun to listen to: the battle of the think tank brains. (What South Park could do with that concept…) The ideological catfight pitted Don Cohen of the liberally leaning Center on Policy Initiatives against STeve FRANCIS of the City representing his new San Diego Institute for Policy Research conservative think tank . Go to These Days podcast to download. Listen and chuckle as Francis argues he’s not a Republican shill. Cohen, to his credit, owned up to his progressive-liberal credentials.

The only thing I took real exception to was the oft repeated canard that “There is no Republican or Democratic way to fill a pothole” in reference to local politics supposedly being nonpartisan.

Au Contraire.

The Democratic way to fill a pothole is to have the City do it using unionized, city workers paid a living wage and receiving livable benefits.

The Republican way to fill a pothole is to have the City do it by outsourcing it to the private contractor responding with the lowest bid irrelevant of worker wages and benefits.

The Libertarian way to fill a pothole is to have the guy whose house the pothole is in front of come out and fill it.

The Fascist way to fill a pothole is to shoot the people who made the pothole and conquer a neighboring country to turn their people into slave laborers to fill the pothole.

The Socialist way to fill a pothole is to nationalize all cars and regulate how often they can be used to avoid future potholes.

The Communist way to fill a pothole is to kill all the car owners and meltdown all cars so that every proletariat worker may receive an equal portion of the recast blocks of metal and plastic.

The Anarchists way to fill a pothole is to blow up the rest of the road.

Meanwhile….

The Bush Administration’s way to fill a pothole is to invade Iraq and bring democracy to the Middle East.

The Democratic Congress’ way to fill a pothole is to vote a non-binding resolution opposing potholes.

The Republican Congress’ way to fill a pothole is to vote for tax cuts for the rich and business deregulation.

The Catholic way to fill a pothole is to declare bankruptcy.

The Nihilist way to fill a pothole is to deny the existence of the pothole.

The Buddhist way to fill a pothole is to be the pothole.

Anti-Globalizationists way to fill a pothole is to trash a Starbucks.

The Multi National Corporation way to fill a pothole is to outsource the job to a call center in India.

MicroSoft’s way to fill a pothole is to steal a solution from the Mac operating system.

Mac’s way to fill a pothole is to design roads so potholes simply can’t occur.

Dick Cheney’s way to fill a pothole is to take it quail hunting.

Rush Limbaugh’s way to fill a pothole is to blame it on whacko liberal democrats.

Hillary Clinton’s way to fill a pothole is to oppose the pothole while not opposing all holes in general.

Bill Clinton’s way to fill a pothole…we won’t go there.

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3 Responses to “Holes”

  1. mlaiuppa Says:

    In the meantime…I still have this pothole………

  2. Aaryn B. Says:

    There are enough potholes in my neighborhood for everyone to have a crack at filling them.
    Bravo, Mr. Luna.

  3. d.a. kolodenko Says:

    this is brilliant.


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